Project Fail.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about failure. Perhaps it’s because I’ve failed in pretty much all of my photography projects I was going to accomplish this year.
The weird thing, though, is that I’ve been thinking about it not because I’m mad at myself for failure, but actually because I’m not. Sure, I’m a little bummed, but why not so upset? In 2008 I did a year of daily self-portraits. In 2009, I did a photowalk a week. During both of those years I was extremely motivated to finish those projects and if I had missed a single day or a single week, goodness, I’d be so upset! (I did actually miss a day in the SP project. I actually cried. And I know others who have said the same thing, so at least I’m not alone!)
So, why I am a bit calmer about it this year? I think these are the three reasons:
Photography isn’t about Projects
I was already a member of flickr when I first “became a photographer” (I define that time period as when it first became a passion for me), as I was already using it as a place to store photos (mostly of my cats because, yes, I’m one of those people). When I suddenly found this passion, I turned to flickr for inspiration and I realized that most of the people that inspired me were doing some sort of project. Most of them were in the middle of a 365 Self Portrait project. And so, it’s not hard to see why I quickly associated passionate photography with such projects.
It’s really only this year that I realized that whenever I told someone I was into photography, none of them asked “oh, what project are you working on?” It was always one of three questions: “What kind of camera do you have?”, “What type of photos do you take?”, or “Where can I see your work?”. Now, granted, I don’t think just having a camera makes you a photographer, and while I question whether you can call yourself a photographer if you’re not sharing your work with anyone, even that one is debatable. But you can’t really get around the fact that people want to know what your passion is – what you like taking photos of, not what projects you’ve accomplished. In fact, when I tell people about my past projects, I mostly get a “ok. Well, that’s kind of crazy.” look from them!
Photography is about passion. And if you’re passionate about doing a project – like I was in the past – then GREAT! But I’m just not feeling it this year.
Asparagus Risotto. f/4.0; 1/60 sec; 60mm; ISO 800
There’s More to Life than Photography
Who knew, right? During 2008 and 2009, I defined myself (outside of work, at least) almost exclusively as A Hobbyist Photographer. That was who I was. That was what I did. And I don’t regret that. But this year I’ve realized there’s really more to me. I like to play geeky board games with my friends. I like pick up my CSA share and then plan and cook entire meals around them. I like to read books on my Nook. Heck, I even like to watch TV.
Maybe none of that is directly helping my photography (though the cooking has given me plenty of new meals to photograph), but being a bit more well-rounded has not only helped me deal with not accomplishing my photography goals, but I think it’s also indirectly making me a better photographer because I’m finding motivation in other things.
FIRE! f/4.0; 1/250 sec; 105mm; ISO 800
I’m Shooting What I Want
I really like taking photos of fire. I don’t think they’re amazing pictures. I don’t think it’s something anyone else couldn’t do with their point & shoot or iPhone. I just like it. During the warmer months, John and I spent a lot of nights sitting out our deck with a fire in the fire pit and/or a fire in our old, rusty charcoal grill. And every time I have to grab my camera and take some shots.
This isn’t some sort of goal of mine, and it doesn’t fit into any predefined project. I just have fun doing it and looking at the results. I’ve also been taking photos of the progress of the veggies in my garden. I’m not sure if this is something anyone other than me cares about looking at, but I like it. it makes me happy not only to see something I planted turn into something I eat, but I like making it look good in photos.
There were a few times last year that I really had to force myself to go on one of those photowalks, and I was only doing it because I didn’t want to fail. I’m still pretty proud that I accomplished my goal, but I also question why I went out and did things that I didn’t even want to do? I’m sure it’s no surprise, either, that on most of the “I don’t feel like doing this” walks, I didn’t get many good pictures. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not getting good photos.
Conclusion
I think my overall point of this entry is that what we individually define as failure isn’t necessarily actually failure. Yes, it’s true, there’s no real way for me to accomplish the goals I set forth at the beginning of the year. But that doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It just means that my goals have changed.
I mentioned at the start of this entry that I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this so-called concept of failure, so expect this entry to be the first a series.
